There is a definite prejudice towards men who use femininity as part of their palate; their emotional palate, their physical palate. Is that changing? It’s changing in ways that don’t advance the cause of femininity. I’m not talking frilly-laced pink things or Hello Kitty stuff. I’m talking about goddess energy, intuition and feelings. That is still under attack, and it has gotten worse.

--RuPaul

So... going on three months and I've managed to find a job. Its at the starbucks at the airport. I know, I know. Right now my goal is to quit no matter what by the time the weather goes south in the fall and that's being generous. That is all.

Idling away hours...

A nice day. My old landlord called me to tell me that he was sending out my security deposit, which is enough to live off in Portland for two months. I celebrated by getting a gym membership, hopefully I will actually use it. I am certain I will in the short term seeing as I have very little else on my plate for the moment. I have an interview on Thursday that I am really hopeful for. I would be delivering the mail. Last week I got my guitar back from my old house and I have been playing it whilst wearing giant headphones before going to bed. I want to get better. It's embarrassing how low my skill level is considering I have been playing pretty consistently for nine years. I definitely don't take it seriously but it would be nice to excel at at least one of my hobbies. I can only knit scarves and I can't follow a pattern. I bike on the slow side. My bread is always a far too dense. All of these things are far from being consequential.

Today I noticed that I have been unknowingly paying 12 bucks a month for a credit monitoring service. I called the service intending to cancel service and got suckered in. I guess it's good insurance to know where you stand on these things. I found out a few things about my finances:

1. (-) I have a little over 50,000 out in student loans (I had guessed around 30,000... I don't keep track of these things.

2. (+) My credit is now 769 ... my income is dismal and I have so much debt... How the hell is it so high? I think I might have to go draw up a ten year plan to buy a shack out by Foster. Although it's going to take a while to pay off 50,000 bucks on a mail man's salary.

I am enjoying my lack of responsibility for the moment. I have fennel wild-rice pilaf on the stove and no particular plans until Thursday.

If this were a vacation I'd be home by now. School has resumed and I am still getting up at noon and doing nothing of note. Watching Youtube videos about the RFID chips. Trying not to stir myself into a nervous government fearing paranoia. Some days thats it. That being said.

I AM SO GLAD I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO A TELEVISION. It would be a disaster. I would divvy up my day between Montel and Golden Girl reruns and in five weeks time I could stand before you a mere shadow of my former self. Not to be dramatic but the last few days have been painfully empty. The room I am renting out is quiet and the carpet softer by the day. I know I should enjoy these days more than I do because I know they're numbered and one day either by luck or an outfall of desperation I will be working and I won't have so much time to think so much. Hopefully.