School has been getting tougher. I had a totally demoralizing day yesterday but that's alright. Right? I just don't always feel up to snuff. My background seems is not as impressive, I lack foresight and wherewithal. I am not an engineer. I do not work nor have I ever worked for the aerospace industry. I am a gas station attendant, a factory worker. I work retail. I never, one: was ambitious enough and/or two: had enough free time or opportunities afforded to me to do internships with any geoscience firms.

It's odd really. I remember telling a friend that when I moved to Portland from L.A. that it was a jarring experience. That all of a sudden I felt that at least in the social sense, my peers were largely of middle class backgrounds seemingly everyone had expensive hobbies, traveled internationally and worked part-time . Now I'm back in L.A. I almost get doored daily by troll-like taut skinned octogenarians and college freshman drive luxury cars. Brentwood is just down the street and west L.A. is beginning to feel normal.

I am three thousand in the hole with my bank. I have no experience with velocity field divergence and I have very little faith in myself at times. I am fearing sounding like a burnout although I am not letting that prevent me from continuing to put a significant amount of work into the program. I know that if I get through this term okay, I will have proven myself to myself and hopefully some of this will go away. Currently I just feel like I don't have any business being here but I don't know what business I would have anywhere else.

whine. whine. whine.

I'm hoping to try to have a lot of time to myself to recoup this weekend. I want to ride my bike along the coast until I hit the fog bank but they are forecasting Santa Anas and it will be 85 degrees everywhere and you will be able to see the smog bank off of Santa Monica bay.