update

Although it wasn't forecasted, it rained all day on Friday. I skipped out of lecture and met up with a friend downtown. I took the bus. When I got there we didn't really do much. We had no business in the neighborhood. We had no goods to purchase. We were loitering. It was raining and that to me can constitute a holiday in Los Angeles. I got home after dark and was greeted by my cat's incessant howls. I remembered that I had to take my teaching competency exam the next morning. I sat on the floor doing nothing for a few hours, the clock radio may have been on in the bathroom. An hour or so passes and I began to leaf through my test prep book.

The next morning I woke up before dawn and turned off my cell phone's wake up call function. I biked over to Los Angeles High School which was in Koreatown and there were hundreds of people waiting in a conglomeration in front of the gym. A man that I can only guess was a coach started to bark at the crowd, "for those of you who need to use the restroom. FEMALES first and second floor, MALES first floor.". It was surreal. The man obviously could not turn it off. An hour passes outside the gym and they let us inside and we are seated. A pair of women comes by to take everyone's fingerprints giving instructions and criticism in equal doses. A trend became apparent. It validated a belief I have had for some time now that my teenage perspective was not totally obscured by angst and that many of the teachers I had had were insultingly condescending to their students.

The whole process from that point on became increasingly vexing. About twenty minutes into the exam the fire alarm went off. The proctors told us to stay put and continue taking the test. The siren continued to let out a piercing squeal for close to half an hour. I asked one of them if I could put in a pair of earplugs and after a short conference with the other proctors she returned to tell me no.

A few hours pass and I was happy to leave. I returned home and tried to make my apartment look as presentable as possible for an open house I was having to find someone to take over my lease. I'm leaving.
Leaving Los Angeles. Leaving UCLA. Leaving. I have a lot of reasons but I haven't paired it down to just a few or even down to a set which isn't somehow contradictory. One reason is that grad school, in the sciences at least, is mostly preparation for a career. I've come to a point where I'm sure that those options are not for me. Formally, I am only taking a leave of absence from UCLA but I don't see myself returning.

In the mean time, or for winter at least I'm going to be living in Portland. In fact I already found a room. I am looking at moving to Oakland in the spring but who knows. I found a taker for my apartment lease. I started cleaning. In two weeks I will be gone. I'm going to have a lot of free time. I don't really know what I am going to be doing. I am going to try not to jump into anything.