I have the day off today and I'm going to be spending it at my cousins' house in suburban San Diego with my parents. It will be a little more social interaction then I've become accustomed to over this summer. I will have a good time despite myself.

It's odd. It really is. I can remember how I felt when I was a kid. I told myself that I would break free the moment I could, and now I ride in the same mini-van on my own accord. I think it is partially due to letting go of the resentment I carried but also partially because I have forgotten so many of the horrible stories. The fights. The constant yelling and spoken and silent threats of violence.

They're old now. They have long drawn out discussions about socialized medicine and labor issues when I need someone to talk to. I feel like a sell-out still. I spoke to my sister last night and she said she thought I was the favorite. Twist the knife. Despite my rampant homosexuality I still can take the blue ribbon. I'm also the youngest and the house had mellowed some by the time I was older. Despite not receiving any assistance financially from my parents I feel spoiled in comparison. My other siblings had it much worse to the degree that I can start to view my limited functional behaviors and attitudes as a privileged position. I don't want to be the one who made it. The weight is heavy considering that there are nine other contenders besides myself and it is the natural result of my parents tempered praise. I honestly don't know what point is with all of this so I will stop here.

I cleaned my apartment because I am having a friend stay with me for a couple days next week. I found a lucky bamboo plant left outside the dumpster and i am nursing it back to health. My skepticism about the inferiority of los angeles curbside finds has melted away. The other day I even found a nice table. I can't decide whether I love it or whether I think it is tacky.


Zoe likes it, particulars it's rubbing against its edges.

Zoe:


My one eared 13 years old companion... She has been with me with only minor pauses since I was eleven. She only gets sassier and louder with age.

I get to give my notice to my work in the next couple of weeks. Something to look forward to. Despite the fact that I enjoy the company of several of my co-workers and I've becomes accustomed to the unreasonable demands of customers; I've become very comfortable with all of it. I will probably end up giving myself less of a vacation than I had planned before, especially since I do not know what I would be doing with my time between quitting work and starting grad school. It is my guess that it wouldn't be anything too useful. I also have to consider that even though i am making around $13/hr I remain over a thousand in the hole with my bank. For the present I've decided that I can't give my two weeks until after I have my meeting with my department to discuss funding and job duties as a TA.

err.. uhh... my parents somehow bypassed my security gate, (I didn't give them the code) and they are knocking on my door...